I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
