About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
