Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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