I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
