Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize