The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
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I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
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i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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