I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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