I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
sarcasm needs its own font
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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