Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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