I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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