I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
