I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
