i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???