we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?