Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch