somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.