We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
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