Texts From Last Night

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  (858): View more from California

  I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.

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  (858): I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it. http://tfl.nu/e9ge
  Replies (26) Good night (2144) Bad night (2990)
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  (786): View more from Florida

  Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic

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  (786): Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic http://tfl.nu/fwzo
  Replies (58) Good night (1117) Bad night (5647)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?

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  (937): What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out? http://tfl.nu/ji4n
  Replies (33) Good night (1184) Bad night (7473)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid

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  (201): bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid http://tfl.nu/hxiy
  Replies (22) Good night (1054) Bad night (4641)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.

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  (248): like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life. http://tfl.nu/wwre
  Replies (3) Good night (3163) Bad night (1112)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.

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  (845): Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight. http://tfl.nu/mc2w
  Replies (2) Good night (2138) Bad night (882)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME

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  (443): EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME http://tfl.nu/5t87
  Replies (2) Good night (2126) Bad night (816)
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  (716): View more from New York

  As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."

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  (716): As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is." http://tfl.nu/8j8j
  Replies (34) Good night (6027) Bad night (1487)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.

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  (517): I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level. http://tfl.nu/jhvn
  Replies (12) Good night (1783) Bad night (871)
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  (714): View more from California

  Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.

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  (714): Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends. http://tfl.nu/ft9d
  Replies (17) Good night (4634) Bad night (920)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.

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  (724): I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked. http://tfl.nu/4abp
  Replies (9) Good night (538) Bad night (1265)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.

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  (717): Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward. http://tfl.nu/kv4q
  Replies (3) Good night (651) Bad night (382)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now

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  (815): I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now http://tfl.nu/gmmk
  Replies (5) Good night (649) Bad night (357)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.

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  (561): Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin. http://tfl.nu/zfxh
  Replies (2) Good night (643) Bad night (295)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.

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  (505): I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir. http://tfl.nu/2mq7
  Replies (4) Good night (662) Bad night (363)

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