We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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