Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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