If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
