Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
