Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
