I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
