rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
