I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
