hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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