mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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