Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
