Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
