If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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