Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
