Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I intend to get homeless drunk
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
