Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
