And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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