That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
