it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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