Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
