Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Randomize
