i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
