Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
