If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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