I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
