my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
NoShamevember. You game?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
