there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
