Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
