I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
