what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
