Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
