I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
