after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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