Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
