dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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