OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
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