i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
