I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
