I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
