some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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