just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
My vagina just recognized that song.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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