life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I forgot how hot balto sounded
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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