I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
