Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
