new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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