Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
And then he peed in my hair
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