on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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