weddingsv make me drug and hornr
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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