i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I wear drunk well.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
