i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
