In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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