You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
