you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
