Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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