It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
