bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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