I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
