I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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