Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
