Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
