Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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