she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
