My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
