my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
