I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
